Amongst the busy preparations, expectations and gestures of ‘Mothering Sunday’ it’s time to recognise the parents showing up every day, being present and being ‘good enough’ for their children, to whom for much of their lives they are the whole world.
“There is no such thing as a ‘perfect parent’, even though we may wish to be one. At times it can be a struggle. Being a parent isn’t easy, but it can be enjoyable and rewarding. To be a ‘good enough’ parent can take a great deal of determination, thoughtfulness and support.”
Solihull Approach: The First Five Years, p.371
POV: social media shows ‘idealised’ motherhood but it’s no good for our wellbeing
As Mother’s Day approaches, it’s natural to reflect on the journey of motherhood.
In a world where social media often showcases curated snippets of seemingly perfect parenting, increasingly we acknowledge the stark contrast between the idealised image and the gritty reality of raising children. Furthermore, ‘good enough’ is what children need to flourish and develop ‘adaptive’ mental health.
“It’s the adjustments made to stay in tune and manage our own emotions that teach children about their own regulation. If you’re feeling the pressure to be the perfect parent, let this be your watershed moment. If we’re perfect all the time how we can we show our children how to feel and express themselves passionately, to say sorry, to fall out and make up again and to get through sadness or stress?”
It is in these moments, where we model how to keep going even when life is tough that can be the most lasting lessons to see our children through the inevitable ups and downs of life.
How mums can look after their wellbeing
- Find a friend to share the mental load – taking time to be honest about the stresses and worries of life with a close friend or relative can help you make sense of your experiences and process how you’re feeling.
- Find time to practice hobbies and self-care – In the busyness of family life, it is easy for parents’ interests and hobbies to take a back seat. But even finding 15 minutes a day to do something you enjoy can help maintain work/life balance.
- Find your rhythm – Routines can really help bring structure to busy calendars and “being predictable” supports your children’s emotional development and creates feelings of safety. Choosing not to overstrain yourself can feel hard and sometimes we do live outside our optimal zone of functioning. But it’s important to find strategies to return to a state that is sustainable – so that we can keep going!
Acknowledging family uniqueness
The truth is that parenting is unique to us and our families. Each mother navigates her journey with a unique set of circumstances, challenges, and triumphs. It’s your relationship and your ability to tune in to understand your child that matters.
We know that persevering to be present, staying curious about how your child is feeling and what they need and nurturing a connected relationship takes energy and time. We’re here to encourage you to keep doing what you’re doing. Well done for showing up! For asking curious questions! For being interruptible!
Ultimately, the aeroplane safety advice, ‘Put your own mask on first’, is as appropriate for motherhood and parenting. Parents who feel well supported and prioritise their emotional health are better able to support their children to flourish in their wellbeing as they grow.
Journeying on through motherhood
This Mother’s Day let’s take a moment to celebrate the joy in the messy, the funny in the bickering and the deep love in the tensions. Let’s also recognise that the relentless responsibilities of parenting can take a toll on our mental and emotional wellbeing. Being a mum can be exhausting and when you’re exhausted it’s often harder to keep up and give your best for your children.
That’s why we’re here, to let you know it’s okay (and really good) to ask for help, to share the challenges and talk about what’s tricky. Talking through in a trusted relationship can be helpful in problem solving and letting go of some stresses. There’s research to support this too and you can learn about it in our learning pathways and resources for raising emotional health on togetherness.co.uk/learn.
Maybe you can find some time this week to take a look to reflect on your relationships and where your emotional health is at?
Happy Mother’s Day.
Togetherness Team