Toilet training with Togetherness

Confident toileting

Going to the toilet, as with other behaviours for children, is closely linked to emotional wellbeing, communication and confidence.   

At Togetherness, we see toilet training as an opportunity to reflect on connection, build trust and help children feel safe and proud as they grow.

Understanding toilet behaviours as part of child development

Potty training and the first steps

Toilet training depends on a combination of physical readiness, language and communication skills, emotional safety in secure relationships. Children thrive when they learn in an environment where the adults around them are: 

• Patient 

• Attuned 

• Responsive 

• Non-pressuring 

Most children are ready to be potty trained between 18 months and 3 years old (BBC Bitesize, 2026).

More information and frequently asked parent questions can be found on this useful guide by the BBC.

Learning to use the toilet independently

As children grow, they need opportunities to practise being more independent. You can help by supporting them to: 

• Pull trousers up and down 

• Wipe bottoms (slowly building independence) 

• Flush the toilet 

• Wash hands thoroughly 

• Let an adult know when they need to go 

Offering encouragement and staying patient will help skills develop gradually and with confidence for lots of other activities.

Getting ready to go to the toilet by themselves at nursery or school 

Starting school brings new changes and emotions. Children may worry about: 

• Using unfamiliar toilets 

• Asking teachers for help 

• Loud hand dryers or busy bathrooms 

• Being away from home routines 

You can support them by: 

• Talking through what school toilets are like 

• Practising asking an adult for help 

• Reassuring them that all children need help sometimes 

• Letting teachers know about any worries, routines or sensitivities 

Transitions feel easier when adults work together with kindness and communication. 

Night-time dryness and bedwetting

Night-time dryness develops later than daytime toileting. Wetting the bed is: 

• Common 

• Not the child’s fault 

• Not a behavioural issue 

Most children’s bodies simply aren’t ready to stay dry all night. Stress, overtiredness, illness or changes at home can also temporarily affect night-time control. Bedwetting is common following daytime toilet training and not normally something to worry about. 

You might find it helpful to think about how to manage changing bed sheets during this time. Having waterproof underlays, ready-to-go cover changes and pyjamas, for example can make midnight or early changes less stressful and less worrying for your child. 

ERIC’s night-time continence guidance is especially helpful here.

Accidents and ‘regression’

Children may temporarily start having accidents again when: 

• They’re adjusting to separation or transitions 

• A new baby arrives 

• Routines change 

• They’re going through rapid developmental changes 

• They’re feeling overwhelmed 

Rather than thinking of it as “going backwards,” it’s more helpful to see toileting as linked to emotional wellbeing. Accidents may be a sign they need a little more closeness, understanding, and emotional support. 

If accidents persist or you have concerns, ERIC offers specialist support.

Practical ideas from Togetherness – experts and parents

Preparing for toilet training

Before starting, it helps to look for signs your child might be ready, such as: 

• Staying dry for short periods 

• Showing awareness of wet/dirty nappies 

• Being curious about others using the toilet 

• Communicating basic needs 

• Enjoying being more independent 

You don’t need all these signs, every child grows differently, but they can help you choose a low-stress time to begin. 

For practical, step-by-step advice, see:

• ERIC – The Children’s Bowel and Bladder Charity: specialist advice on bowel health, bladder health, bedwetting, constipation and toileting

• BBC Tiny Happy People: practical, gentle toilet training ideas for daily life