Category: Physical and emotional health

  • When spooky season becomes overwhelming: talking to children about Halloween 

    When spooky season becomes overwhelming: talking to children about Halloween 

    Halloween can bring excitement, imagination and fun, but even something that seems harmless can leave a child feeling unsettled long afterwards. 

    A frightening costume, spooky decoration, scary film or online video might catch them by surprise, perhaps at school, visiting friends or somewhere a parent or trusted adult isn’t nearby to help them make sense of what they’ve seen.  

    As parents and carers, our first instinct is often to reassure children that “there’s nothing to worry about.” While this comes from a place of care, what seems like harmless fun to us can feel very real and frightening to a child still learning to understand and manage their emotions.  

    Children can’t always explain what it is that’s causing them to feel unsettled. Instead, their fears might show through behaviour changes, such as difficulty sleeping, becoming clingy, avoiding certain places or repeatedly asking questions. Even older children who understand that something is fictional may struggle to shake the feeling of fear.  

    When frightened, children often turn to the adults around them for reassurance and understanding. Being listened to, having their feelings acknowledged and knowing someone is there alongside them can help them feel safer and more secure.  

    What might help

    Small changes in how we respond to children’s fears can make a difference.  

    Start with their feelings

    Rather than immediately reassuring a child that something isn’t real, it can help to acknowledge how they’re feeling first.  

    You might say: 

    “That looked really scary. I can see why it frightened you.” 

    Listening before offering explanations helps children feel understood. Gently asking what’s worrying them can help you uncover what’s behind their fear. If they struggle to find the words, drawing, play or storytelling may help them express their feelings. 

    You might also ask: 

    “What can you feel happening in your body?” 

    Although they may not have the words to describe fear, children can still feel it in their bodies. Butterflies in their tummy, a racing heart, or quicker breathing are some of the ways the body alerts us to fear. You can help them to understand that whilst these signals help keep us safe, sometimes the ‘alarm’ goes off when there isn’t any danger.  

    Taking a few slow breaths together or noticing what’s happening around them can help their body settle. Over time, children begin to recognise these feelings and learn ways to soothe themselves, knowing they can still turn to someone they trust when they need support. 

    Help them make sense of what they’ve seen 

    Children may need help understanding what has frightened them. 

    If it’s a character from a film, a piece of online content or a Halloween display, talking about how costumes, make-up and special effects are created might help. Some children find behind-the-scenes examples reassuring, while others may prefer not to revisit what they have seen. 

    Follow their lead and respond to what they need in that moment. 

    Create a sense of safety 

    Having some choice over what happens next can help children feel more secure. If bedtime has become difficult, maintaining a familiar routine may offer reassurance.  

    You might also ask: 

    “Would you like a night light on, your door left slightly open or a little more time reading together?” 

    A favourite toy or something familiar may also bring comfort. If a shadow is worrying them, you could look together at what’s creating it.  

    It can also help to talk about what they could do if something frightens them again. Perhaps there’s a teacher or another trusted adult they could turn to when you’re not nearby. As children become more independent, knowing who to ask for help can build their confidence. 

    When worries go beyond Halloween  

    Of course, frightening experiences don’t disappear when Halloween ends. As children grow, their worries often become more complex. News about climate change, global conflict and AI can leave older children and teenagers feeling overwhelmed and anxious.  

    Taking time to listen, understand what they’ve heard or seen and talk openly about their worries can help. Simply knowing they have a safe space to share their worries can be reassuring. 

    Our Understanding your child in a changing world learning pathway explores the challenges shaping children’s lives today, covering everything from social media and AI to friendships, climate change and global conflict. It offers practical, evidence-based approaches to supporting emotional health, connection and communication in a rapidly changing world. 

    Further support

    It can be difficult when a child’s fears persist and you’re unsure how to help. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers, and it’s okay to seek support for yourself too. 

    If your child’s fears, nightmares or anxiety are affecting their sleep, school life or day-to-day activities, the NHS provides guidance on anxiety in children, including when it may be helpful to speak to your GP, school nurse or another healthcare professional.  

    The NHS also offers information and practical support for adults facing fears, anxiety, and panic. 

  • Baby Loss Awareness Week 2026: remembering, understanding and supporting each other

    When someone close to us experiences baby loss, we naturally want to offer comfort and support, but knowing how can be difficult. We might find ourselves wondering, “what do I say?” or “what if I make things worse?” 

    For families experiencing baby loss, it can be hard to know what to say. Yet silence can sometimes leave parents feeling alone or forgotten.  

    Grief is deeply personal and follows no timeline. One parent may want to share memories or tell their birth story, while another may not feel ready, and what helps today may feel different tomorrow, so it can be helpful to ask gently rather than assume. 

    At Togetherness, we talk about emotional containment: making space for difficult feelings without trying to fix them. That might mean, carefully listening, acknowledging their baby or simply staying alongside them without judgement. 

    Grief cannot be fixed, but feeling heard, understood and supported by others can help parents feel less alone as they navigate it.

    Small acts of support

    If you’re unsure where to begin, you might try: 

    1. Make room for their baby

    If they would like to, ask about their baby, their name or their birth story. Let them decide how much they want to share. 

    2. Offer something specific

    Rather than “let me know if you need anything”, try “could I bring dinner tomorrow?” or “would it help if I walked the dog?” Small, practical gestures can make each day a little easier. 

    3. Keep checking in

    A simple “I’m thinking of you, no need to reply” can mean a lot. Remembering important dates, if welcomed, can reassure parents that their baby is remembered and that a door to support is open when they need.  

    Your feelings are also important, and it can be helpful to think about support you may need as you offer support and process your own grief.

    Finding support after baby loss

    If you or someone close to you has experienced baby loss, it can be difficult to know what support you need, and those needs may change from day to day. You do not need to have the right words or all the answers before reaching out. 

    Your GP, midwife, health visitor or hospital bereavement team can listen, answer questions and help you explore available NHS support, including specialist psychological care. 

    At Togetherness, emotional health and relationships are at the heart of everything we do. Drawing on 30 years of NHS experience, our learning helps parents, carers, grandparents and teenagers make sense of emotions, recognise feelings behind behaviour, and response to others with greater understanding.  

    Learn more.

    Other places to find support:

    Whether you’ve experienced baby loss yourself or are supporting someone close to you, these organisations offer information, understanding and support.  

    Information about bereavement care, emotional support and what to expect following baby loss. You can also find guidance on miscarriage and grief and bereavement. 

    Free, confidential bereavement support for parents, families and friends affected by baby loss, including a helpline, local support groups and an online community.  

    Specialist support for families and loved ones affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a baby of young child. Offers a listening helpline, peer support and practical guidance. 

    Mary Rheeston

    Health Visitor, Togetherness Manager

  • Togetherness launches free mental health lessons for five-year-olds with Developing Experts

    Togetherness launches free mental health lessons for five-year-olds with Developing Experts

    Togetherness has partnered with Developing Experts to create a ready-to-deliver Key Stage One lesson series helping young children recognise, talk about and seek support with big feelings. 

    The new series, designed to run over a 6-weekly curriculum slot, introduces emotional health at the very start of school life, encouraging five-year-olds to notice feelings in themselves and others, understand that big and uncomfortable emotions are normal, and identify trusted adults who can listen and help. 

    The lesson plan is designed for teachers to use straight away through Developing Experts’ established digital learning platform, which provides schools with ready-to-deliver classroom resources across a range of subjects. 

    The resources have been carefully created by psychologists and psychotherapists with decades of experience working directly with children, families and schools. The creative team at Developing Experts have brought the information to life for young children, introducing loveable characters and friendly presenters.  

    The lessons focus on helping children understand that feelings can change throughout the day and may appear in facial expressions, body sensations or behaviour. Drawing on professional knowledge of children’s emotional development, it also reinforces that children should not be expected to manage difficult feelings alone. 

    Instead, the programme encourages pupils to talk openly about their feelings and to recognise the adults around them who can offer support. This approach reflects the Togetherness proposition: here for big feelings. 

    The launch comes at a time of growing concern about children and young people’s mental health in the UK. NHS England reported that around one in five children and young people aged 8 to 25 in England had a probable mental disorder in 2023, underlining the need for early, developmentally appropriate support that helps children build emotional understanding before difficulties escalate.  

    Dr Hazel Douglas, Director of Togetherness, said “We know children’s mental health in the UK is under increasing pressure, and that is why early, evidence-based support matters so much. When children learn early that big feelings are normal, speakable, and something adults can help with, we give them a foundation for healthier emotional development. This is also about giving teachers confidence and giving children language.”  

    The resource has been designed to support all children, including those who may not consistently experience healthy, caring relationships outside school. By giving teachers a structured way to explore emotional health in the classroom, the lesson helps create safe, non-judgemental spaces where children can begin to build the language and confidence to share how they feel. 

    Clare Faulkner, Director of Primary Education at Developing Experts said: “Schools are increasingly being asked to support children’s wellbeing alongside their academic learning. Yet many teachers don’t always have the confidence, experience or resources to know how best to support children’s emotional health. That’s why access to trusted, high-quality resources is so important. Teachers need practical, easy-to-deliver materials that give them the confidence to have meaningful conversations about emotions, while helping children develop an early understanding that their feelings can be recognised, shared and supported.” 

    Unlike approaches that ask children to contain or manage worries on their own, the lessons emphasise connection, communication and trusted adult support. The evidence-informed design avoids activities that place responsibility on young children to hold difficult feelings by themselves, and instead centres on the role of caring relationships in helping children process emotions. 

    The lessons complete the Togetherness whole-school offer, which now provides support for staff, parents and children. Togetherness hopes the resource will strengthen provision in schools already using the Solihull Approach model, while also introducing Togetherness and its values to new schools across the UK. 

    Schools will be able to use the lesson series as an accessible starting point for conversations about emotional health, helping Key Stage One pupils understand big feelings and the importance of sharing them with adults who listen and care. 

    Sign up for free to review the lessons and plan them into your PSHE calendar

  • Why does it seem harder to be a young person today?

    Why does it seem harder to be a young person today?

    If you’ve found yourself wondering this, you are not alone

    Many parents and carers are noticing that some of the challenges children and young people face today feel very different from those they experienced growing up.

    While adults may recognise some of the same worries and pressures, young people are navigating them while still developing and making sense of a rapidly changing world.

    Relationships play an important part in helping families make sense of these experiences together, creating space for open, honest and sometimes difficult conversations.

    A recent BBC News article asked why it can feel harder to be a young person today. The article followed an interview with Professor Peter Fonagy, ahead of the publication of his independent review into mental health, ADHD and autism.

    Professor Fonagy described a real rise in mental distress, challenging the idea that younger generations are simply becoming more sensitive. 

    Instead, he pointed to some of the genuine pressures shaping young people’s lives today, including social media and uncertainty about the future. 

    It’s not always easy to find the right words

    Children and young people can often struggle to put into words when they’re finding something difficult. 

    Instead, parents and carers may notice changes in behaviour. A child might become quieter or more irritable, withdraw from family activities, spend more time alone or seem more worried than usual. 

    These behaviours can be a way of communicating feelings. Rather than focusing on the behaviour itself, it can be helpful to consider what may be happening beneath. 

    Some pressures can also extend beyond the school day. The BBC article highlighted how social media can contribute to this, with friendships, expectations and comparisons continuing online and into home and family time.

    Small moments of connection can make a difference

    Parents and cares do not need to have all the answers.  

    Often, what matters most is creating opportunities for children to feel heard, understood and safe enough to share what is happening for them.  

    You might try:

    • Choosing low pressure moments to talk
    • Listening without rushing to fix things
    • Putting feelings into words together
    • Being curious about their online world
    • Coming back together after difficult moments

    Small, everyday moments of connection can help nurture relationships where children feel safe, supported and better able to navigate life’s challenges alongside their trusted adult.  

    The world may look very different to when many parents and carers were growing up, but children still need the same thing, trusted relationships that help them feel safe, understood and connected. 

    Support for parents and carers

    At a time when many children and families are waiting for support, Togetherness offers a gentle place to start.

    Our learning pathways offer parents, carers and grandparent’s practical ways to understand feelings, behaviour and relationships, and strengthen everyday moments of connection.

    For parents and carers: explore support that fits where you are in your parenting journey.

    For professionals: build around the Solihull Approach model, to support work with families and communities.

  • Back to school: five questions UK parents are asking

    Back to school: five questions UK parents are asking

    From starting Reception and moving up to secondary school to SEND and growing independence, we explore five familiar back-to-school worries through a relationship-focused lens.

    As the start of the school term draws closer, uniforms are being prepared, pencil cases filled and lunchboxes found.

    For some families, September means returning for a new school year. For others, it means starting primary or secondary school for the first time.

    Back-to-school worries can be a normal part of preparing for change. Parents and carers may feel worried, anxious, uncertain or overwhelmed too. You are not alone. Throughout August, parents and carers across the UK have been sharing many of the same concerns on social media.

    Five questions that have come up regularly:

    1. Is my child ready to start school, and how do I manage my own worries about it?
    2. How do I know when my child is ready for more independence at secondary school?
    3. What if my child with additional needs copes well at home but finds school overwhelming?
    4. Is it normal to feel sad or emotional as my child moves into a new stage?
    5. How can I support the move back to school without putting more pressure on myself or my child? 

    Finding a back-to-school rhythm

    Although it might feel early, the final weeks of the holidays can be a useful time to ease back into familiar rhythms and make space for any worries. This could mean gradually bringing bedtime forward, getting used to earlier mornings, practising the journey to a new school or trying out a new morning routine.

    Becoming familiar with a new routine or expectation before term starts can help make September feel a little more predictable and take away some of the pressure.

    Starting primary school

    Starting primary school is a big change for four-year-olds. They may feel excited while also worrying about being apart from you, new routines or what will happen next. At this age, children are still only just beginning to develop the language they need to explain unfamiliar or complex feelings.

    You might try: 

    • Role playing ‘schools’ together
    • Practising the journey to school
    • Look at photos of the school or classroom
    • Talk through drop-off, lunchtime and home time
    • Let questions and feelings come up naturally

    For children returning to the same school, a new teacher, classroom or friendship group can still change how familiar school feels. Giving your child space to tell you what feels different can help you understand where they may need a little more support. When you simply listen, and acknowledge big feelings, it can make a huge difference, so why not try saying something like ‘I know, it’s really hard to imagine what it is going to feel like being there, I understand why you are feeling…. worried/ nervous/ excited’ and see what happens.

    Starting school can stir up feelings for you too, and your worries may not be the same as your child’s. Talking through your own feelings with another adult can leave more emotional space to listen, stay curious and support your child through the change.

    Starting secondary school

    As children move towards adolescence, friendships, belonging and how they are seen by others can carry more weight. Secondary school brings new peer groups, teachers and expectations at the same time as young people begin to seek more independence. Fitting in, finding their place and managing unfamiliar situations may therefore matter just as much as getting to lessons or remembering equipment.

    As independence grows, your role may begin to shift from doing things for your child to being alongside them while they work things out. Giving them room to try, make decisions and solve problems can build confidence, while relationships at home remain just as important. Knowing there is a familiar, safe space to return to, where they can talk, unwind or simply be themselves, can provide connection and reassurance as more of their world begins to happen away from home.

    Small opportunities to practise independence before term starts, such as planning the journey, organising what they need or agreeing when they will check in with you, can give them experience while knowing you are still there.

    Moving into a new year can also bring different teachers, subjects, friendships and expectations. As young people take on more responsibility, staying interested in how school feels for them, while allowing them more say in how they manage it, can support both growing independence and connection.

    Moving up to secondary school with additional considerations

    If your child managed well in primary school but finds secondary school harder, this may tell you more about the demands around them than their ability. 

    What they can manage can also change from day to day. One way of understanding this is through the ‘window of tolerance’, the space where feelings are manageable enough for us to think clearly. As sensory, social and emotional demands build, this space can narrow. 

    Something manageable yesterday may therefore feel overwhelming today. Looking at what is taking the most energy, rather than focusing on a single difficult day, can help you understand what support may be useful. 

    When moving up feels emotional for you too

    Pride, relief, worry and sadness can all sit alongside each other as your child moves into a new stage. The transition may also bring back feelings about your own experiences of school. Recognising what belongs to your experience can make it easier to stay curious about what this change means for your child.

    You do not need to prepare for every possibility. Giving yourself some space to process what you are feeling can make it easier to think about what needs attention now, what your child can work out for themselves and where support from school might help.

    Your relationship does not become less important as your child becomes more independent. It can remain a familiar place to return to as their world expands.

    More support for moving up When moving up feels emotional for you too

    If this transition has raised questions about emotional development, behaviour or relationships, Understanding your child: from toddler to teenager and Understanding your child with additional needs offer reflective online learning for parents and carers.  

    Use our free access checker to see whether you have funded access in your area. 

    For this transition specifically, Moving up to secondary school for children with additional needs is free to UK residents, while Understanding your child in a changing world is free for UK residents throughout 2026.  

  • Summer holidays: five questions UK parents asked throughout July  

    Summer holidays: five questions UK parents asked throughout July  

    From screen time and summer routines to keeping children entertained without spending a fortune, we explore five familiar school holiday questions through a relationship-focused lens

    Six weeks without school can mean more time together, but it can also mean higher costs, less routine and long days to fill. Throughout July, parents on social media shared questions many families will recognise:

    1. Do I need to keep the children busy every day? 
    2. How can we keep some routine without planning every hour? 
    3. Is it normal to dread the summer holidays? 
    4. How can we make the holidays feel special without spending a fortune?  
    5. How do we protect family time when screens take over?  

    Behind these questions are familiar pressures: money, changing routines and the feeling that every day should be memorable. 

    School holidays can be enjoyable, but they can also feel expensive, tiring and relentless.  

    Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you are doing anything wrong.  

    Psychologists sometimes describe a ‘window of tolerance’, the space where feelings are manageable enough for us to think clearly. Tiredness, worry and too many demands can push us beyond it, making patience and conflicting priorities harder to manage.  

    If you notice your head feeling full, giving yourself a little space to pause, process or talk things through can help restore your capacity to think. That extra emotional space can make difficult family moments feel more manageable and make it easier to reconnect afterwards. 

    Making memories without spending a fortune

    Days out, holiday clubs, travel and extra food can quickly add up. When budgets are already stretched, the pressure to create an exciting summer can feel even greater.  

    Psychology says your relationship with your child or young person is what helps them thrive, not the activities themselves. Activities can simply be the vehicle, providing a helpful context for your relationship to develop through shared experiences, conversation and connection.     

    Your relationship with your child at the heart  

    A good day does not need a big budget. Families could: 

    • Search local council websites for holiday activities 
    • Check libraries, museums, parks and community venues for free events 
    • Explore local nature trails, community farms and donation-based activities 
    • Join the free Summer Reading Challenge through a library or online.  

    The RSPB also shares simple activities families can try together, from spotting wildlife and going on a minibeast hunt to making a bird bath or creating a home for nature. Find out more by visiting the RSPB website, here. 

    The Merlin Bird ID app can add a sense of discovery to a walk or time in the garden. Families can use it together to identify birds by their songs, calls or appearance, helping children notice and learn more about the nature around them. It is available from the App Store and Google Play. 

    The pressure to create a memorable summer can become another emotional demand. Connection often grows through ordinary shared experiences, not how much has been planned or spent. Choosing something that feels manageable for you too can leave more space for conversation, enjoyment and being together. Taking some pressure off the activity can often give the relationship more room.  

    Finding a holiday rhythm

    Without school runs, lessons and clubs, the usual shape of the week can disappear. Some children enjoy the freedom, while others may feel unsettled when they do not know what is happening next. 

    A holiday routine does not need to cover every hour. A few familiar points in the day may be enough, such as: 

    • Getting dressed and starting the day at a similar time
    • Regular meals and snacks
    • Time outside or moving around
    • A recognisable bedtime routine

    Predictability can reduce uncertainty for parents and carers too. If your children are old enough not to need childcare and you are working from home, it is still good to hold them in mind by building in a couple of check-in points in the day. These few familiar moments can reduce some of the mental load, making interruptions easier to cope with and helping the day feel steadier for everyone. 

    Filling the days without filling every minute

    Feeling responsible for keeping everyone entertained can be exhausting. There can be pressure to make every day special. However, children do not need six weeks of trips, crafts and carefully planned activities. 

    Simple moments together might include: 

    • Taking lunch to the park
    • Cooking or baking together 
    • Creating a photo, nature or bird spotting challenge 
    • Letting children choose between two simple activities 

    A simple choice can help children feel involved while keeping decisions manageable for parents and carers. 

    Relationships are a two-way process. In psychology, reciprocity describes the back-and-forth where both people have a part in shaping an interaction. It is really beneficial to infants, children and teenagers when parents create space in the interaction for their child to take their turn, offer their ideas, and influence the decisions and conversations.  Offering a small choice within a wider structure can give children a sense of agency to contribute, and they will likely feel that you value their opinions and what matters to them. 

    When the holidays feel difficult

    The holidays do not need to be packed or picture-perfect. Small plans, familiar routines and ordinary moments together can help family life feel lighter, calmer and more connected. 

    More time together can bring more big feelings and potential disagreements. When behaviour feels difficult, pausing to consider what may be happening underneath can help. Tiredness, boredom, disappointment or a need for closeness can all shape behaviour.  

    Togetherness pathways give parents and carers a reflective space to build understanding of children’s emotional development and behaviour, unpack some of the ideas mentioned in this article and explore practical ideas that can help strengthen relationships in everyday family life.  

    Parents, carers and professionals can use our free access checker to explore Togetherness pathways available in their area.  

  • Children’s mental health report highlights the need for early support 

    Children’s mental health report highlights the need for early support 

    Togetherness responds to the latest report from the Children’s Commissioner on children’s mental health services

    More than one million children in England had open referrals to children’s mental health services in 2024-25, according to the latest report from the Children’s Commissioner. 

    The report found:

    • Around one in 10 children in England had an open referral
    • Referrals have almost doubled since 2018-19
    • More than 60,000 children had waited longer than two years for treatment

    At Togetherness, we share the concern behind these findings.

    Behind the numbers are children and young people trying to make sense of their feelings, friendships, school life and the world around them. There are also parents and carers waiting, worrying and wondering what to do next.

    Looking beneath the surface

    Children and parents are navigating challenges that can feel very different from the past.

    Online life, social media, school pressure, family stress, friendships and wider worries in the world can all shape how children feel and behave. Many of these pressures are fast-changing. This can make it hard for parents and carers to know how best to respond.

    The report shows growing need for children’s mental health services. Referrals rose most for suspected autism, other development needs and anxiety.

    Where the reason was known, anxiety was the most common reason children were referred. Children referred with suspected autism or other development needs were also among those most likely to still be waiting at the end of the year.

    What the report foundWhy it matters
    Children still waiting had a median wait of 224 days.Families can spend months unsure what help will come next.
    More than 60,000 children had waited longer than two years.Two years is a long time in a child’s life, relationships and development.
    Children referred with suspected autism, who received treatment, had a median wait of one year.This shows the added challenge for children with autism or other development needs.

    These are difficult numbers to sit with.

    Every child and family will have their own story. But the message is clear. Children’s emotional health develops in  many contexts. Home. School. Friends. Community. Support. The world around them.  

    Why relationships matter

    We welcome national work on mental health that places a strong focus on prevention, awareness and support for parents. This support needs to begin before birth and continue throughout childhood.

    Policy makers and practitioners are also increasingly recognising the role of early relationships in shaping children’s mental health.

    This links closely with the Solihull Approach model, which is at the heart of Togetherness. The model helps us think about emotional health through relationships. It also helps us think about what a child may be showing through their feelings, behaviour and communication.

    A strong relationship with a parent, carer or trusted adult can help children feel safe, understood and less alone. Small moments of connection can build trust, confidence and wellbeing over time.

    This does not replace specialist mental health care. Some children need diagnosis, treatment and clinical support. Timely access to these services is vital.

    But the report also reminds us why early, relationship-based support matters.

    Support for parents and carers

    At a time when more children and families are waiting for support, Togetherness offers a gentle place to begin.

    Our immediately available, online learning pathways help parents, carers and grandparents learn about children’s feelings, behaviour, development and relationships at different ages and stages.

    They offer practical ideas and space to reflect. They help families think about what may be happening beneath the surface and how everyday connection can support emotional wellbeing.

    For parents and carers: explore Togetherness pathways to find practical support that fits your family, your child and where you are in your parenting journey.

    For professionals: Togetherness training for professionals, built around the Solihull Approach model, to support work with families and communities.

  • Managing parent anxiety

    You’re a parent and you feel anxious? 

    Anxiety is a normal response to many situations. Over thousands of years it has given us as human beings an edge in surviving. It can be helpful, especially if we are an actor or a sports person and we have to perform. Anxiety gets us ready to act.  

    However, when our anxiety level is too high then it can have a negative impact on our lives.     

    If you’ve done our pathway ‘Understanding your child: from toddler to teenager’ you’ll know that it’s important to have a space in your head for your children, which can be hard if your head is full of worries and anxiety. 

    Often there are unprocessed feelings causing anxiety. Sometimes it’s possible to think through these on our own, but often it helps to talk to someone who is good at listening to process them.  

    There are lots of reasons why you might feel anxious as a parent. Some might have nothing to do with being a parent, but others might be because being a parent is life changing. There are suddenly a lot more responsibilities, big changes in your lifestyle, changes in your relationship, uncertainty about what to do in the many different situations you are now faced with. It’s hard sometimes to feel confident about muddling through the challenges of every day. 

    There are lots of ways to downregulate, or calm yourself down, from taking a few deep breaths to yoga to walking. You’ll have ways to slow yourself down.  

    Other helpful tools

    • Most of the population have experienced trauma, especially from loved ones dying or falling ill. Unresolved trauma can cause anxiety. If you’d like to think about this some more then you could try the Togetherness pathway ‘Understanding your own trauma’.  
    • If the changes in your relationship are causing anxiety, you could try the Togetherness pathway ‘Understanding your relationships’.  
    • The website from MIND may be helpful.
    • Your GP may be able to signpost you to further help if you feel that you need it.
    Image of the author: Dr. Hazel Douglas MBE

    Dr Hazel Douglas MBE

    Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Child Psychotherapist, Togetherness Director

  • How can I support my child with anxiety?

    Dad giving daughter a hug

    Some anxiety every now and then is a normal part of life. However, there are times when anxiety is getting in the way of your child living their life and experiencing the world.  

    So, you’ve noticed that your child is feeling anxious. Noticing is the first and very important step in supporting your child! 

    Thinking is next. What is going on with your child? In our Togetherness pathway, ‘Understanding your child: from toddler to teenager’, we introduce the idea of three key questions to help with this. They are:

    1. What is the exact age and developmental stage of your child?

    Think about what they are doing at the moment? What are their challenges?  

    2. What changes have taken place in your lives recently?

    Think about all recent changes, no matter how big or small. Your teenage daughter may be breaking up with her boyfriend/girlfriend or fallen out with a friend. 

    3. How well can your child communicate their needs to you?

    Is it obvious when your child is feeling sad, angry or frustrated, or do you need to look more closely to spot signs of certain emotions?

    Then what are you going to say or do? This is a difficult one to answer, because it depends on what you think is going on. If your child is ready to talk about what they are feeling you can make sure that they know you have time to listen. Then you could show that you are interested by saying something like ‘I think you’re looking anxious’. They may be able to talk a bit about their anxiety. They may be able to talk about how they feel.  

    There are also practical things your child can do to try and calm down their anxiety while you all try and understand what they are feeling. Breathing exercises are popular. Slow breathing down. Breathe in slowly, hold for a few seconds and breathe out slowly. A quick way to calm down. Then it’s easier to think about what’s bothering them.    

    If your child is neurodivergent you may need to think carefully about why they feel overwhelmed and what might help.  

    If working together with your child isn’t enough, then you may need to get additional help. Your GP may be able to recommend someone or their school may be able to help.

    Dr Hazel Douglas MBE

    Clinical Psychologist and Child Psychotherapist, Togetherness Director

  • Navigating parental decisions: vaccinations and other health choices

    Parenting is a journey filled with big and small decisions every day. From choosing the right school to what to feed them and how to keep them safe and well, each choice shapes your child’s future in some way. So it’s easy to be overwhelmed or feel anxious. One of the most common areas of difficulty for parents is the uncertainty of health-related decisions: deciding to vaccinate your child is a decision all parents face and for some, more complicated health decisions need taking too.  

    It’s normal to feel a sense of anxiety when facing such pivotal choices. In a world flooded with information, sometimes these emotions can feel overwhelming and we all know that making decisions under pressure is hard. So how then can you make confident decisions in the best interests of your child and family? 

    When you think about making decisions about health, it can be helpful to use the following guide; designed to help you recognise your own feelings and make the right decisions for you with confidence. 

    1. INFORM: Accessing accurate information

    Begin by gathering reliable information from reputable sources. Consult health professionals, whether it’s a Health Visitor, School nurse, or GP, and explore official NHS or professional health websites, and read scientific studies. Be cautious of misinformation on social media and look for evidence-based resources which have been published in reputable sources such as research journals or professional institutes. Look behind the headline as the facts may be very different.

    2. TALK: Engage in open conversations

    Talk to other parents, family members, and friends who have faced similar decisions. Share your concerns and listen to their experiences. This exchange of perspectives can offer valuable insights and help you feel more supported in your decision-making journey. Talking is also really important for understanding your own emotions and restoring your capacity to think clearly. But remember, we each might have our own opinion for our own reasons and that what suits one person may not be right for another or your family.

    3. ASK: Consult with healthcare professionals and experts

    Attend appointments with your child’s healthcare providers with prepared questions so you can check information you have found and fill in any gaps. Your child’s healthcare provider will be able to provide more personalised advice based on your child’s medical history and current health.

    4. THINK: Set out your options

    Once informed, you can work out the different options you might have, remembering that not acting is also an available choice. Not taking action has consequences like your other options, so for decisions like vaccination, understanding the risks associated with preventable diseases can provide a clearer perspective.

    5. TRUST: Trust your instincts and validate them

    Parental instincts are powerful and they are developed over time as you get to know and understand your child, but it’s essential to validate them with factual information. Trust your gut feelings, but ensure they align with the evidence and guidance provided by healthcare professionals. This balance and finding a way to make sense of the information you are receiving without being overwhelmed by it will allow you to make decisions with confidence.

    Parenting is a journey filled with uncertainty and making decisions that impact your child’s health can be particularly challenging. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey and informed decisions lead to a healthier, happier future for your family. 

    Mary Rheeston

    Health Visitor, Togetherness Manager