From starting Reception and moving up to secondary school to SEND and growing independence, we explore five familiar back-to-school worries through a relationship-focused lens.
As the start of the school term draws closer, uniforms are being prepared, pencil cases filled and lunchboxes found.
For some families, September means returning for a new school year. For others, it means starting primary or secondary school for the first time.
Back-to-school worries can be a normal part of preparing for change. Parents and carers may feel worried, anxious, uncertain or overwhelmed too. You are not alone. Throughout August, parents and carers across the UK have been sharing many of the same concerns on social media.
Five questions that have come up regularly:
- Is my child ready to start school, and how do I manage my own worries about it?
- How do I know when my child is ready for more independence at secondary school?
- What if my child with additional needs copes well at home but finds school overwhelming?
- Is it normal to feel sad or emotional as my child moves into a new stage?
- How can I support the move back to school without putting more pressure on myself or my child?
Finding a back-to-school rhythm
Although it might feel early, the final weeks of the holidays can be a useful time to ease back into familiar rhythms and make space for any worries. This could mean gradually bringing bedtime forward, getting used to earlier mornings, practising the journey to a new school or trying out a new morning routine.
Becoming familiar with a new routine or expectation before term starts can help make September feel a little more predictable and take away some of the pressure.
Starting primary school
Starting primary school is a big change for four-year-olds. They may feel excited while also worrying about being apart from you, new routines or what will happen next. At this age, children are still only just beginning to develop the language they need to explain unfamiliar or complex feelings.
You might try:
- Role playing ‘schools’ together
- Practising the journey to school
- Look at photos of the school or classroom
- Talk through drop-off, lunchtime and home time
- Let questions and feelings come up naturally
For children returning to the same school, a new teacher, classroom or friendship group can still change how familiar school feels. Giving your child space to tell you what feels different can help you understand where they may need a little more support. When you simply listen, and acknowledge big feelings, it can make a huge difference, so why not try saying something like ‘I know, it’s really hard to imagine what it is going to feel like being there, I understand why you are feeling…. worried/ nervous/ excited’ and see what happens.
Starting school can stir up feelings for you too, and your worries may not be the same as your child’s. Talking through your own feelings with another adult can leave more emotional space to listen, stay curious and support your child through the change.
Starting secondary school
As children move towards adolescence, friendships, belonging and how they are seen by others can carry more weight. Secondary school brings new peer groups, teachers and expectations at the same time as young people begin to seek more independence. Fitting in, finding their place and managing unfamiliar situations may therefore matter just as much as getting to lessons or remembering equipment.
As independence grows, your role may begin to shift from doing things for your child to being alongside them while they work things out. Giving them room to try, make decisions and solve problems can build confidence, while relationships at home remain just as important. Knowing there is a familiar, safe space to return to, where they can talk, unwind or simply be themselves, can provide connection and reassurance as more of their world begins to happen away from home.
Small opportunities to practise independence before term starts, such as planning the journey, organising what they need or agreeing when they will check in with you, can give them experience while knowing you are still there.
Moving into a new year can also bring different teachers, subjects, friendships and expectations. As young people take on more responsibility, staying interested in how school feels for them, while allowing them more say in how they manage it, can support both growing independence and connection.
Moving up to secondary school with additional considerations
If your child managed well in primary school but finds secondary school harder, this may tell you more about the demands around them than their ability.
What they can manage can also change from day to day. One way of understanding this is through the ‘window of tolerance’, the space where feelings are manageable enough for us to think clearly. As sensory, social and emotional demands build, this space can narrow.
Something manageable yesterday may therefore feel overwhelming today. Looking at what is taking the most energy, rather than focusing on a single difficult day, can help you understand what support may be useful.
When moving up feels emotional for you too
Pride, relief, worry and sadness can all sit alongside each other as your child moves into a new stage. The transition may also bring back feelings about your own experiences of school. Recognising what belongs to your experience can make it easier to stay curious about what this change means for your child.
You do not need to prepare for every possibility. Giving yourself some space to process what you are feeling can make it easier to think about what needs attention now, what your child can work out for themselves and where support from school might help.
Your relationship does not become less important as your child becomes more independent. It can remain a familiar place to return to as their world expands.
More support for moving up When moving up feels emotional for you too
If this transition has raised questions about emotional development, behaviour or relationships, Understanding your child: from toddler to teenager and Understanding your child with additional needs offer reflective online learning for parents and carers.
Use our free access checker to see whether you have funded access in your area.
For this transition specifically, Moving up to secondary school for children with additional needs is free to UK residents, while Understanding your child in a changing world is free for UK residents throughout 2026.