When someone close to us experiences baby loss, we naturally want to offer comfort and support, but knowing how can be difficult. We might find ourselves wondering, “what do I say?” or “what if I make things worse?”
For families experiencing baby loss, it can be hard to know what to say. Yet silence can sometimes leave parents feeling alone or forgotten.
Grief is deeply personal and follows no timeline. One parent may want to share memories or tell their birth story, while another may not feel ready, and what helps today may feel different tomorrow, so it can be helpful to ask gently rather than assume.
At Togetherness, we talk about emotional containment: making space for difficult feelings without trying to fix them. That might mean, carefully listening, acknowledging their baby or simply staying alongside them without judgement.
Grief cannot be fixed, but feeling heard, understood and supported by others can help parents feel less alone as they navigate it.
Small acts of support
If you’re unsure where to begin, you might try:
1. Make room for their baby
If they would like to, ask about their baby, their name or their birth story. Let them decide how much they want to share.
2. Offer something specific
Rather than “let me know if you need anything”, try “could I bring dinner tomorrow?” or “would it help if I walked the dog?” Small, practical gestures can make each day a little easier.
3. Keep checking in
A simple “I’m thinking of you, no need to reply” can mean a lot. Remembering important dates, if welcomed, can reassure parents that their baby is remembered and that a door to support is open when they need.
Your feelings are also important, and it can be helpful to think about support you may need as you offer support and process your own grief.
Finding support after baby loss
If you or someone close to you has experienced baby loss, it can be difficult to know what support you need, and those needs may change from day to day. You do not need to have the right words or all the answers before reaching out.
Your GP, midwife, health visitor or hospital bereavement team can listen, answer questions and help you explore available NHS support, including specialist psychological care.
At Togetherness, emotional health and relationships are at the heart of everything we do. Drawing on 30 years of NHS experience, our learning helps parents, carers, grandparents and teenagers make sense of emotions, recognise feelings behind behaviour, and response to others with greater understanding.
Other places to find support:
Whether you’ve experienced baby loss yourself or are supporting someone close to you, these organisations offer information, understanding and support.
Information about bereavement care, emotional support and what to expect following baby loss. You can also find guidance on miscarriage and grief and bereavement.
Free, confidential bereavement support for parents, families and friends affected by baby loss, including a helpline, local support groups and an online community.
Specialist support for families and loved ones affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a baby of young child. Offers a listening helpline, peer support and practical guidance.
Mary Rheeston
Health Visitor, Togetherness Manager